Transformers Collection: Transformers

Transformers

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A blend of cringe inducing screenwriting, nostalgia and mind blowing action
For a nerd that used to drool over this show as a kid, this movie hooks you from the very beginning. From Optimus Prime's summary intro (with Peter Cullen still at the helm of our favorite alien semi) to the Decipticon attack on the military base, you have no doubts that this is Transformers. Shia LaBeouf makes his entrance and proves the perfect part for this movie. He's actually pretty funny and acts the part well. As far as the rest of the humans in this cast, not as much can be said.

After the awesome introduction, the first part of the movie deals mainly with Shia LaBeouf's Sam purchasing a Camaro that actually turns out to be the Autobot Bumblebee (in the cartoon, originally a VW Bug. I think the yellow VW Bug in the car lot next to Bumblebee was a homage.) Sam unknowingly uses his alien car to impress a girl. Of course she actually is impressed when they find out it's an alien. There are some pretty funny scenes in this part of the movie as well as some action scenes that are very well done.

Soon comes the arrival of the other Autobots and they reveal to Sam their true purpose, which is to locate the Allspark -a powerful device capable of transforming a planet- before the Decepticons get a hold of it. I thought at this point that the slow parts of the movie were over, but not quite. From here we go into a few too many scenes dealing with side characters, from video game playing computer experts to goofy secret agents whose quirks border slapstick comedy. Too many of these characters could be chalked up as comic relief, and most of what they attributed was not very funny. There was a slightly funny but overly long scene where Sam was trying to hide the autobots while he searched through his house for a relic they needed. And then arrived John Turtorro (playing the said goofy secret agent) whom I love, but who severely overstayed him welcome in this. Other performances, namely John Voight's, were just plain campy and the cookie cutter dialogue was cringe inducing at times.

Luckily, I forgot most of that by the time the movie got to its last act. Once the Decepticons arrive in force the movie is a non stop ride of action and jaw dropping effects. While someone who's not familiar with the characters and story might not care what the outcome is, I found myself with memories as a kid, watching the 1986 movie for the first time. I forgot about the humans and their ho-hum sotrylines as my favorite characters and toys from my childhood crashed and shot and ripped each other apart. I forgot that I was watching CG effects as the transformers look as real as the environment they're destroying. The action scenes are larger than life and I'm amazed at how well the battles of the cartoons translated onto big screen. The transformers themselves were all very well done, applying actual physics to their transformations and robot appearances. They look real and modern but don't lose the heart of what the fanboys loved about them from back in the day. And Hugo Weaving as Megatron was genius. I missed hearing the original Starcream, but the original voice actor died many years ago, and the two or three lines Starcream had in this sounded suitable.

Despite the great flaws in acting, dialogue and script, I left this movie with that rare itch to want to go straight back inside and watch it again. From the previews, it looked like the movie was going to take a realistic perspective and show the warring alien machines from a human point of view. But that's really not the case at all. In every other Michael Bay movie, the corny dialogue and overdramatic characters ruin an otherwise good premise. But Transformers is based on a cartoon, so why shouldn't the movie feel like one? Here it works. It's big, dumb nostalgic fun that the kid in me has been after for 20 years.

better than expected
Maybe it's not the best movie as far as dialogue goes, but for being an action movie about robots from outer space, it's good. The transformations are good enough to not raise doubt about the mechanics of them (which is good for me as an aerospace engineer, because I tend to notice these things). This is the kind of movie that makes large HD televisions and high-quality sound systems worth having.

More Transformers and less humans please
On the whole, I was not impressed with Transformers. You can try and dismiss its shallow story and numerous inconsistencies and flaws by saying that it is a light hearted movie. But that is more an excuse than not. After all, you can have a good light hearted movie can't you? Others have done it before and will again.

What the movie does have going for it are great special effects and genuinely impressive headliners (The Transformers themselves). The action sequences are enjoyable and a feast for the senses. But they are also relegated to the last half of the movie. If this were the whole movie I'd give it 5 stars. But it isn't the whole movie.

The first half of the movie centers around our protagonist, a semi-annoying and bumbling person too old to be cast as a high schooler and, predictably, only concerned with getting a car and impressing another student (too old to be his love interest and therefor way too old to be a student also). The car he lands from a used car dealership is Bumblebee (now a Camaro). How did the car dealership sell the car without a title, who knows, who cares, this isn't the type of movie to be weighted down with such things. The story just goes on.

By the latter portion of the movie our main character, through Bumblebee, has met the rest of the Autobots and some childish (and unnecessary) attempts at humor are now out of the way - nothing says funny like peeing jokes. So lets have a car pee on the human, that will be so funny! The Autobots have laid out what needs to be done and so they are off to get the All-spark and save the world, or worlds, or something. It really isn't that important. The Decepticons also want the All-spark and so there are some cool battles and then a resolution. Guy gets girl, old Camaro becomes new Camaro (OK, fine, that happened in the first half of the movie) and Megatron (who is now not a gun but a jet-sorta-thingy) is out of the picture except maybe not, who knows?

I will admit that as far as reviews go, there isn't much meat here, but there isn't much meat to Transformers either. A lot of people liked it and I say good for them. Personally, I found it mostly dull, childish and hard to sit through. I think there was a lot of room for originality but the story is so boringly simple-minded and rushed and very by-the-book feeling. It is, at its core, a copy of almost every other summer blockbuster movie but with giant robots wreaking the disaster and an unlikely protagonist to make all the wrong moves yet somehow save us all...oh wait, that last part has been done before hasn't it. My bad.